Foursquare Sex

4 08 2010

How many times can you CHECK IN before you prematurely post to Twitter?

Social Media pickup lines.

You a FINE Mommy-Blogger, why don’t you Back that RSS Feed up?

I’d work ALL night to hack your Gmail login.

It’ll be okay, My youtubes are TIED! (ewww, gross)

More Least I Could Do comics.


Shart Alert – The Dark Crystal

10 01 2010

150 = number of times the word shart was used in The Dark Crystal

Thanks to @scoobydouche for the Shart Alert.

How many times have you heard the word shart?

Any shart stories you’re just burning to share with MrD?

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Shart’

– Mister Diplomat

No, you may not poke me.

26 11 2009

Mister Diplomat welcomes guest blogger THE Molly Buckley.


You don’t have to believe me, but I’m being honest. I was once picked up in a bar with the line, “AY! Yo female, lemme get that backslash!” At first I was taken aback by this pickup line. What in God’s name did this boy mean, my “backslash”? I thought it was something vile, dirty, and disgusting. I immediately retorted, “Uhh, no?” I’m really good at being passive aggressive towards potential suitors.

You don't need a book. You need an imagination.

I later found out that “Lemme get that backslash” is actually referring to my MySpace username. That’s right – / = backslash. I should have told him that it is actually a forwardslash, but I might have been slapped. And domestic abuse is no way to pick up a lady. Regardless, I did not go home with the gentleman in question that evening.

Well, after mulling on that particular event for a while, it prompted me to think about this idea of using “social networking” terms to pickup members of the opposite sex… in person. And thus, I held a contest. The contest was to see WHO could come up with the BEST social networking term pickup line pun. And I got some hilarious submissions.

Here are some of the best:

  • Aaron K.: Wanna go to my place and #eachother? You do? Tweeeeet.
  • Jonathan B.: Baby, add me to your friend’s list, and we can poke each other all the time!!!
  • Sylvia T.: I can blog all night long, and this entry is definitely not tweet-length.
  • Luke D.: Hey baby, how ’bout we ditch this party and head back to myspace?
  • Matthew N.: It’s Friday and my only recommendation is that you follow me
  • Rare Bird S.: I’ll invite you to an event, and I want to poke you’ tube. I like to comment when you download on my boobs.
  • John B. Jr.: Hey baby. Wanna get Linked in Myspace or yours?

And the winner is…

  • Jim W. (@digitaldrivel): I wanna put my Facebook in your Yahoo and Digg your Twitter until you Yelp!

Congratulations, Jim. You’ve won a grab bag of awesome comedy stuff from the Dirty South. That’s right. We’re dirty and we’re in the south. Rawwr.

So remember boys (and girls), next time you’re in a bar, don’t use that “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” crap. Be creative. Use your imagination. Get to poking.


A Twitter Apology to Doug Benson

23 07 2009

Dear Doug Benson,

I apologize for what appears to be me co-opting a joke you published on Twitter while at Comic-Con. I was tired on Thursday morning, checking out tweets from the night before and re-tweeted one of your posts because I thought it was very funny.

I would never knowingly harm this comic.

I would never knowingly harm this comic.

I accidentally deleted part of the tweet while adding some Hash.

Tags, I meant Hashtags, #hashtags. Maybe if I had been adding some Hash to my morning routine, my mistake would make sense. But my lack of Twitter etiquette is unacceptable. I typed from memory what I deleted, what I thought was “(And chafing.)”, placing parantheses where there were none before. And by doing that I seem to imply that I made the chafing joke. I did not.

For the record our Twitter timeline today.

7:47am PST @DougBenson: Don’t forget Comic-Con attendees, with a great costume comes great responsibility. And chafing.

8:51am PST @zachward: RT @DougBenson: Don’t forget Comic-Con attendees, with a great costume comes great responsibility. (And chafing.) #stanlee #cc09

9:04am, DM from @DougBenson: By adding parentheses, it looks like you added the chafing part. Which you didn’t. I’m just saying. :)

I know you were just saying, but I wanted to apologize. With greater connectivity comes great responsibility and I have certainly fail whaled. I would have replied by Direct Message, but you’re not following me on Twitter. That’s okay. I’m not mad.

I’m sorry. 

I’m a fan of Spider Man, Stan Lee and Yours.

– Mister Zach Ward

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