Blankets are okay, but they can slip and slide. Snuggie™ is made with super soft, thick, luxurious fleece with roomy, oversized sleeves that let you do what you want while still being totally wrapped in warmth. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. Snuggie™ was one of the best selling infomercial products of the 2008/2009 holiday season.
It a blanket… A blanket… with oversized sleeves!
But the best part, Snuggie™ ripped off a similar fleece blanket product with oversized sleeves, called, you guessed it, The Slanket. Ridiculous.
What the fuck? It’s like the dark side took control of the Senate. It’s like Jar Jar Binks wasn’t the only thing that got away from George Lucas. I can’t decide if that’s Obi Wan in a Slanket or Snuggie™ and if that’s a light saber or a FREE book light, which would make it a Snuggie™.
Snuggie™ or Slanket, whatever you want to call it, It’s a fucking robe. A robe. A robe that, for some reason, made it on the Forbes list as retail’s Next Big Thing. And The Slanket has Sold Out on QVC, Amazon, and it’s own website.
I know, I know.
But that’s okay. I don’t want a Snuggie™ or Slanket. I’m not even slightly interested in purchasing your backward robe until they go a little farther with robe technology. I don’t want a lame-ass book light. I don’t want a USB powered accessory belt. I don’t want Slanket-mini for the kids, a Snuggie™-shuffle made specifically for parapalegics (who needs the oversized sleeves when all you’re doing is shuffling under the blanket part? Too far? Maybe.) Anyway… I don’t want any of those things.
I want a Snuggie™ that I can put on and *instantly* lose water weight. You could step out of the shower wet, put on your robe. AND BE DRY. I want a Slanket made entirely out of ShamWows. Who’s with me? Maybe I can convince my mom to make a prototype, my brother to lend me $15K, and sell 100,000 ShamWomForters® for $75 each before the open market takes over.