Mr T Goes to Hollywood

1 02 2009

Guest post from Comedian and former Diplomat Corey Brown

Good job!

Good job, Mr T!

I think Hollywood is making a huge mistake in the casting of most of their main characters. I say this because, after watching a lot of movies I can easily see Mr. T being the ideal candidate for the role.

I think Brad Pitt did a great job in Benjamin Button, but I think Mr. T could have slammed that character home. Imagine how T would look as an old man looking baby. How cute would all of those gold chains look around that backwards child? Answer: Very. Mr. T also wouldn’t have gone traipsing after Daisy either. He would have pitied that fool and found him a sugar momma closer to his adoptive home. This movie seriously lacked some Mr. T-atude.

Batman was probably the best movie of the year. I admire the work Heath Ledger did with the Joker Character, but come on Christopher Nolan, what about T? Batman would have been chumped had the T been on the opposite side. Yeah, the makeup would have looked a little bit silly and Mr. T sure as hell isn’t going to let his parents cut up his mouth like that, but the brutality of the fight scenes would have been amazing. I know you were thinking of story arc and all that other Hollywood BS that you worry about, but in what the T would have ruined story wise, he would have added that much more whoop-ass-ness.

Cloverfield. Project CloverT sounds like a winner to me.

Powder! Albino Mr. T? Duh, it works. 

Wall-E? How about Wall-T?

I think you get my point Hollywood. There isn’t any role that isn’t suited for the styling’s of Laurence Tureaud. Now where is my milk?

– New York Comedian Corey Brown

Mr. T would have pwned Frankie.


Thank God for Philadelphia

1 01 2009
I like your ideas on paper, James.  I just have issue with your methodology.

I like your ideas on paper, James. I just have issue with your methodology.

I want to take a break from the busy holiday season, and pay homage to one of our nation’s greatest cities: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. First, it gave us the Liberty Bell whose cracked tone signaled America’s freedom. Then, it gave us Rocky, an icon and a symbol of America’s unbeatable spirit. Recently, the Phillies crushed the upstart Devil Rays, but on Christmas, Philadelphia was the site of a victory of even greater magnitude.

Behold, James Joseph Cialella Jr.

This guy shot a man in front of his family for talking during The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. On Christmas. IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY! I hate people talking or answering their cell phones in the middle of a movie as much, if not more, than the next guy, but man. That takes guts, and commitment. And a gun.

What’s really amazing to me is that this happened at a showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Was Mr. Cialella Jr. so wound up at the haunting tale of mortality that he needed to express his emotions through violence, or was he just bored at having to sit through a 2 hour and 48 minute movie and shot a guy just to break up the monotony? I mean, I could see this happening at a screening of Frost/Nixon or Marley & Me, but Benjamin Button doesn’t strike me as the type of movie you even bring a gun to.

So I’d like to send this message to you, Mr. Cialella Jr.:

We’ve all been there Jimmy. Can I call you Jimmy? Either way. I totally support punishing people who interrupt movies. I just think corporal punishment wasn’t the right way to go. I like your spirit, but I just can’t agree with your choice of action. I truly hope you have a Happy New Year in lock up.

– Mister Kyle Chorpening

%d bloggers like this: