Happy Zombie Jesus Day

4 04 2010


We know. We’re not the first to question whether He is Risen … ONLY TO EAT BRAINS! Out of a dark cave. Hmm, suspect. After three days? That sure sounds slow to me. Jesus sounds like a Zombie. Must. Be. A. Zombie.

Whatever, just Be Careful which Easter Bunny you go to.

Mister Diplomat


Jesus Ate ALL the Turkey

21 11 2009

Dear Jesus, We are already hungry for Turkey.

And cranberry sauce from a can.


Mister Diplomat

Train Station (or Jesus Cuss Log)

13 08 2009

Enjoy our cut away scenes from the platform.

We are not taking the train to New York tomorrow for the 11th Annual DEL CLOSE MARATHON (Twitter Hashtag: #DCM11). We are flying airplanes, not flying, taking them, although some of our North Carolina compatriots would say we’re taking a handbasket, all the way to HELL. Why? Because in this MrD clip Jesus says, “Fuck.”

And it was funny.

Last year, Mister Andy Lavender predicted the potential DCM Schedule fallout with a challenge: Can you survive the 49 and 1/2 hour Improv Gauntlet? For 2009, the marathon got longer by 4 and 1/2 hours! And Diplomat got scheduled on Friday 8/14 (a SWEET Midnight slot on the Hudson Guild stage) so you don’t have a Half-way marker, but you can start the Marathon off right.

See you in New York.

– Mister Zach Ward

4 Hilarious High Holiday Clips

27 12 2008

Mister John Reitz spent the day after Christmas at my apartment editing tapes. While drinking Egg Nog, talking about girls and debating alternative uses for mistletoe (Cancer, really?), he and I found some appropriate High Holiday-themed clips. No, not from THE High Holiday —that’s Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur— or even Hanukkah, but clips that could quickly become Christmas Classics if the audience were all HIGH.

I’m going to order the clips from Most to Least religious.

The last one is certainly the least Holiday-themed, but could be argued more religious because it does include reference to The Ark of the Covenant. Three of the four clips feature good friends and Diplomat guest performers Josh Cohen and Tamra Malaga from The Josh & Tamra Show. Let’s begin.

1. What Would Jesus Mash – Lumpy potatoes are not Christian!


2. Demon Bird Wants Baby Santa – Demon Bird has a minion. CAR = Time Machine. Special Effects. Baby Santa’s beard tickles Mrs. Claus during childbirth.


3. Go Frosty Go! – Let us imagine a Snowman streaking.


4. 15″ Flat Screen OR Indiana Jones – two police officers with different priorities, a casual approach to law enforcement, and a mild interest in Blu-ray technology.

We hope you enjoyed the clips. You can find a couple more on Facebook.


Mister Zach Ward

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