ACME Chef Kevin Callaghan

14 05 2010

MISTER DIPLOMAT proudly welcomes Kevin Callaghan, Owner and Head Chef of Acme Food & Beverage Co. to the stage on Friday 5/14. We only have a few more FREE 930pm shows. Starting Friday June 4th MrD moves to 1030pm. But fear not, we are still bringing the FUNNY and have some awesome guests lined up for the Summer.

Who do you want to see?

Oh yeah, LIKE KEVIN on FacebookAnd ACME too.

If you go to ACME tell them Zach sent you… For the tenderloin.

Mister Zach Ward


Train Station (or Jesus Cuss Log)

13 08 2009

Enjoy our cut away scenes from the platform.

We are not taking the train to New York tomorrow for the 11th Annual DEL CLOSE MARATHON (Twitter Hashtag: #DCM11). We are flying airplanes, not flying, taking them, although some of our North Carolina compatriots would say we’re taking a handbasket, all the way to HELL. Why? Because in this MrD clip Jesus says, “Fuck.”

And it was funny.

Last year, Mister Andy Lavender predicted the potential DCM Schedule fallout with a challenge: Can you survive the 49 and 1/2 hour Improv Gauntlet? For 2009, the marathon got longer by 4 and 1/2 hours! And Diplomat got scheduled on Friday 8/14 (a SWEET Midnight slot on the Hudson Guild stage) so you don’t have a Half-way marker, but you can start the Marathon off right.

See you in New York.

– Mister Zach Ward

Honey Nut Rapture

12 07 2009

Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day. 

Maybe here on earth, but apparently it won’t be in Heaven…

Now for someone who loves breakfast this comes as a bit of a shock.

Breakfast literally gets me out of bed in the morning. I’m not gonna lie. I ALSO eat breakfast for dinner, or, as those in the know call it… BRINNER. Isn’t there a reason places serve it at all hours? Olive Garden doesn’t open before lunch and McDonald’s isn’t pushing the Quarter Pounder before 11am. Coincidence? Definitely not.

Isn’t heaven supposed to be a place of perfection… of bliss… A utopia?

And I can’t have breakfast?! You have to be kidding me. God created Lucky Charms, donuts, and sugar and rice… Wait, what? Well, maybe not that last one but the rest are blessing unto Man. I mean if God didn’t create breakfast, THEN WHO DID?…


Every single muffin has the devil inside.

– Mister Jeremy McDonald

Slam Poets hijack Diplomat

8 06 2009

MISTER DIPLOMAT welcomes a group of Local North Carolina Slam Poets on stage at DSI Comedy Theater this Friday at 930PM. You should make plans now. Last week Patrick Wilson, one of the featured poets, surprised the audience with a poem and the crowd went crazy.

Friday June 12: 4 poets, 4 poems & a Bunch of comedy.

To get you excited I found two great clips from Def Poetry Jam. Enjoy.

Dave Chappelle

Talib Kweli

– Mister Zach Ward

JORTS: Your Fashion MUST-HAVE This Spring!

6 04 2009

Guest post by the girl with Two Thumbs, Molly Buckley.


IT’S FINALLY SPRING (unless you live in Denver)! Ah, I love spring. Who doesn’t? Single people, that’s who. Well, since the warm weather has finally arrived for us who live below the Mason-Dixon line, it’s time that you became savvy to the warm weather clothing lingo. I, personally, plan on busting all of the following fashions out when I hit the streets this April & May.

Mullet Sold Separately.

Mullet Sold Separately.


1. JORTS: Jean Shorts. You know them, you love them, hipsters and never nudes bathe in them. They are a staple of every man, woman, and child’s wardrobe. Barbeque’s, horseshoe matches, and weekend antiquing would be lost without the stylish addition of JORTS.

2. BJORTS: Black Jean Shorts. Black jeans? Awesome. Jean shorts? Sweet. Black jean shorts? Awesomely sweet.

3. COJORTS: Cut-Off Jean Shorts. Ah, the cut-off jean short. By far one of my favorite items to sport in warm weather. Taking an old pair of those “favorite” jeans, cutting off the shins, and then hitting a farmer’s market always makes for a great Saturday. Oh, and be sure to fray the ends because your COJORTS can always use that extra flare.

4. AWJORTS: Acid Washed Jean Shorts. I love the 80’s. Who didn’t? Scott Baio, that’s who. But he’s neither here nor there. Acid washed jeans are no longer a thing of the past with this reinvented trend. By acid washing YOUR JORTS you’re saying, “I’m proud, confident, and I live a no-fear active lifestyle.”

Hes winning with style in baggy black jean shorts.

He's winning with style in baggy black jean shorts.

5. BAGJORTS: These shorts are to the floor with style. The baggy jean short is intended for tall rappers and Protestant thugs. Only to be worn in conjunction with shirts purchased from Bass Pro Shops or DTLR.

6. OJORTS: Overall Jean Shorts. This classic doo-dad is not for the faint of heart. Only the bravest and strongest of fashionistas can sport OJORTS in the right way. Even American Gothic wouldn’t be able to correctly sport the OJORTS. For example, stars like Rihanna, Kid Rock, and Ann Coulter would be able to successfully wear this fashion. Kid Rock with his country-rebel persona, Rihanna with her tough heart, and Ann Coulter with her large feet — all of these qualities are important when sporting OJORTS.

As your unofficial-official-seasonal-fashion-consultant, it is my hope that I have adequately prepared you for hitting the streets this Spring in style. And remember, always walk, chew, and speak with confidence. Let those around you say, “Man, that guy has style AND poise. And WHERE did he/she get his/her shorts?”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go dust off my fashion body suits and jellies.

Drysdale ‘L Word’ Serenade

20 03 2009

It’s Long. It’s Loud. And the Lyrics are amazing.

It’s Not Safe for Work.

Double A props to Rebecca Drysdale (featured in Time Magazine, 2006) and her production team for this amazing clip, which Mister Diplomat just found online. If you’ve already seen it, Awesome. But I need it to get out there. 6 Seasons of ‘The L Word‘ on Showtime have inspired genius. Dirty. Sexual. Genius.

Rebecca Drysdale (Beck D) went from Ohio to France, Canada, then Chicago (short layover in Amsterdam) to New York City (formerly New Amsterdam) doing comedy now for over half her life. She has made people laugh at Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, Chicago’s Second City, iO, The Magnet, The PIT and The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, both in New York and Los Angeles.

Maybe North Carolina should be next. What do you think?

– Mister Zach Ward

When Local Blogs Attack

10 03 2009

Mister Diplomat was attacked by Ginny from the Blog last Friday.

GINNY from the Blog

GINNY from the Blog

Our show with Ginny was super fun. She told stories about Patti Blagojevich planting questions during a 2nd grade press conference; Working for the Associated Press, Ginny broke the news to (at the time) Senator Obama that he was running unopposed for the Senate; She talked about being a paid blogger (for NBC17), and about the stalking that comes with teh [sic] territory. Is there such a thing as “online” territory? The cast of Mister Diplomat took all those stories and improvised some REAL funny scenes. Easy when our guest sets us up FTW!

Anyway, Mister Diplomat has some amazing guests lined up for Spring.

And maybe we can drag Ginny back out, with some fancy beer convincing.

– Mister Zach Ward



* I may have used semi-colons incorrectly in this post. And incomplete sentences.

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