Rock of Love III - Carrboro!
Dear Bret Michaels,
Will you be my Rock of Love – CARRBORO? I hear that you aren’t considering doing a Rock of Love III and not only do I think you definitely should, I think you should do it right here in Carrboro, North Carolina. There are a lot of attractive rock and roll chicks in Carrboro and I’d like to think I’m one of them. Forget that I’m happily married to an amazing laser scientist, forget that the lady demographic of the show indicates that although you are fifteen years my senior, that somehow that makes me too old for you, and also forget that I’ve never had breast enhancement surgery. Please don’t stop reading for being natural, I think I am ample. I could sprain a pinky.
I know what you’ve known all along, Bret, that you’re a showman. As a showman, you definitely should be doing another show, another TV show. I saw you circa 2003 at the Minnesota State Fair and you were explosive. You sang, you danced, you maneuvered through fireworks while wearing a boa and skin tight possibly leather pants. It was amazing. No you aren’t Dave Matthews, and thank God you aren’t. The last time I ever saw Dave in concert he danced like Molly Ringwald for 35 minutes while a man played the electric violin. It was like a Spinal Tap performance without the funny death part.
I was never into Poison during your hey-day like my neighbor, Deanne, who told me about your show and how she stood on her chair, held up a lighter and drank Bartles and James wine coolers while I stayed at home and wrote computer games for my brother. The same brother who took me to see you so many years later – he also recently called me from a Nelson concert to tell me that Gunnar got his hair cut.
So come to Carrboro, have Poison play at the Cat’s Cradle, come to Mr. Diplomat at DSI and tell us some stories about being on the road – all while you are filming Rock of Love III – Carrboro! Even thought I can’t fully participate as a contestant, if no other gal gets drunk enough, I will get a tattoo on the back of my neck. It will say: Trois – for Rock of Love III – Carrboro! I thought making it French would make it sound more cosmopolitan and I know that is one thing we have in common already, Bret, being high brow.
Can’t wait to start filming,
-Mister Paula Pazderka