Economics of California Gurls

14 10 2010

As a high school economics teacher, I talk a lot about the topic. I try to keep it restricted to my personal blog, but in honor of our recent economist guest, I’ll post it here.

Katy Perry’s recent hit California Gurls was number one on the Billboards for 6 weeks. Sure it’s catchy (both musically and visually), but it’s also business savvy. If you were going to write a song about a state, why not pick the the largest economy in the country (and 9th largest in in the world). Similarly, Jay-Z’s recent New York hit Empire State of Mind is both popular and about a large economy. The same goes for North Carolina native James Taylor’s Carolina on My Mind (and he was able to get two states with one song).

So here’s the one thing I don’t get, why didn’t Wakko’s song ever hit number one?:

Note: It may also be possible that Katy and Jay-Z are just singing about their home states. But then how do you explain Lynyrd Skynyrd’s (from Florida) Sweet Home Alabama and Bruce Springsteen’s (from New Jersey) Nebraska (both states of course known for their wealth and bounty)?

Also, for those interested, here’s a song about every state.

– Mister Harrison Brookie


NEW YORK! Del Close Marathon 12

27 07 2010

Zach Ward, Jeremy McDonald, Paula Pazderka and Harrison Brookie head to New York this weekend to represent DSI Comedy Theater at the 12th Annual Del Close Marathon. It has been an incredible honor for MISTER DIPLOMAT to take the stage at the UCB Theatre over the past couple years.

For 2010 MrD performs Sunday 8/1 230PM at the UCB — Are you coming?

For the DCM we are sadly down Andy Lavender (Andy may be off performing some amazing feats of Chemisty or SAVING THE WORLD!)

Both AU JUS and THE 708 are representing the DSI Comedy Theater Harold program in New York, so you should check them out and support HAROLD —  (The 708, Saturday 12pm Hudson Guild and AU JUS, Sunday 1pm Hudson Guild).

New York should get our song ready. Love, Mister Diplomat

R Kelly’s Untitled

1 12 2009

Every once in a while something truly extraordinary happens that makes comedians extremely happy.   It happened this week.  R Kelly released his latest album called “Untitled“.   Isn’t this basically begging us to name it for him?  

1.  For this one I didn’t even have to try.  I just looked for inspiration within the album itself.   Clearly the perfect title is right there, and it is the title of one the album’s singles.   Call the album “Number One“.

2.  Again, I looked at the album songs and found yet another totally appropriate title.  This time it was the UK bonus track, “Fallin’ from the Sky“.  I’m beginning to think R might be messing with us a little.

3. Last one from looking at the album.  Call it “B my # 2“.

4. This one was a little more challenging, but I just thought about the man’s work, his legacy.  Call it, “Trapped in the Closet, Minor in D“.

5. This one might be off the beat and path, but I think it captures this album’s essence and some of his more notable works, call it  “Ur in 2 me“.

– Mister Paula Pazderka

Mister Diplomat features Award-winning Special Guests, The Never

21 11 2008

Hey Internet, Do you have friends? Because we do.

MISTER DIPLOMAT just goes nuts over how many friends we seem to have. It’s crazy. Like, so crazy. You wouldn’t believe how big our Evite lists are. But seriously, we’ve got friends in the audience and crazy amounts of friends on stage. Like, so crazy. Last month we had our old friends The Never over to the theater and they brought an award they won for Best of the Triangle.

We have Award-winning friends! Support them.

We also have super fans. I know, right. Crazy. Our fans come and pack the house and wear t-shirts and go nuts. We’re so lucky, Internet. Maybe this post is premature… But let’s be honest, so are some very funny Diplomat punchlines. HEYO! Maybe this post is premature, but we are really thankful for each other, the company at DSI, our Special Guests each week, and the people around us. 

Like this guy.

popular shirt

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL DIPLOMAT – Be our friends. Fan our Facebook page.

– Mister Zach Ward

Who wouldn’t want to play with Jem?

15 08 2008

Who wouldn’t want to play with Jem?  She had a catchy song: Jem is truly outrageous.  Truly Truly Truly outrageous.  Her music contagious. Outrageous! Jem is my name! no one else is the same!  Jem is my name!


Before actual human girls were pop stars part time on a TV show, there was Jem, an actual cartoon that was a pop star part time on a TV show. The year was 1985 and some of us were becoming entirely too old (yes, too old) to watch a rock and roll girl cartoon let alone play with a roll and roll cartoon doll.  Looking back on it, clearly my reasoning for engaging in such a trifling affair was due to my lack of maturity and direction as well as my parents refusal to buy me a Cabbage Patch Kid.

So there I was watching Jem when my brothers weren’t forcing me to watch G.I. Joe, which consequently, they were also too old to be watching.

As phenomenons go Jem never caught-on.  Jem will remain niche in perpetuity.  She was certainly no Cabbage Patch Kid.  And, I think the reason was the undeniable fact that the Jem doll was, quite simply put, fugly, and she wasn’t fugly in a cute way like a Cabbage Patch Kid.  She was real nasty with a big head, big feet, and a flat chest.  She had nothing on a Barbie.  A Barbie, although is not anatomically possible for a woman, Barbie was a hot doll, a hot doll a middle-schooler could feel good about playing with at an age that was too old to be playing with dolls.  Jem on the other hand was not a doll one could feel proud about playing with, she was an embarrassment.  She looked like a KISS doll except a woman, but the same body type as Gene Simmons and similar make-up (she sported pink blobs around her eyes not black).

So despite her catchy pop song, and her wonderful back up band, The Holograms, Jem was not as her theme song promised her to be – truly truly truly outrageous.   A young girl playing Jem ended up being more like her bitter enemy band, The Misfits, when playing with her in public.

Mister Paula Pazderka

Dave Matthews taught me how to.

28 07 2008

That’s it. I could take time and go into exhaustive detail about ALL the things Dave taught me, but let’s be honest, I’m too busy. And so are you. He simply taught me how to. And he taught you too. Whether you realize it or not. I have a copy of an acoustic show with Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds at Converse College (1997) for the person with the best DMB story. Being that this should be a comedy blog, this could be seen as a joke. It is not.

– Mister Zach Ward

Dear Bret Michaels

11 07 2008

Rock of Love III - Carrboro!

Dear Bret Michaels,


Will you be my Rock of Love – CARRBORO?  I hear that you aren’t considering doing a Rock of Love III and not only do I think you definitely should, I think you should do it right here in Carrboro, North Carolina.  There are a lot of attractive rock and roll chicks in Carrboro and I’d like to think I’m one of them.  Forget that I’m happily married to an amazing laser scientist, forget that the lady demographic of the show indicates that although you are fifteen years my senior, that somehow that makes me too old for you, and also forget that I’ve never had breast enhancement surgery.    Please don’t stop reading for being natural, I think I am ample. I could sprain a pinky.


I know what you’ve known all along, Bret, that you’re a showman.  As a showman, you definitely should be doing another show, another TV show.  I saw you circa 2003 at the Minnesota State Fair and you were explosive.  You sang, you danced, you maneuvered through fireworks while wearing a boa and skin tight possibly leather pants.  It was amazing.  No you aren’t Dave Matthews, and thank God you aren’t.  The last time I ever saw Dave in concert he danced like Molly Ringwald for 35 minutes while a man played the electric violin.  It was like a Spinal Tap performance without the funny death part. 


I was never into Poison during your hey-day like my neighbor, Deanne, who told me about your show and how she stood on her chair, held up a lighter and drank Bartles and James wine coolers while I stayed at home and wrote computer games for my brother.  The same brother who took me to see you so many years later – he also recently called me from a Nelson concert to tell me that Gunnar got his hair cut.  


So come to Carrboro, have Poison play at the Cat’s Cradle, come to Mr. Diplomat at DSI and tell us some stories  about being on the road – all while you are filming Rock of Love III – Carrboro!  Even thought I can’t fully participate as a contestant, if no other gal gets drunk enough, I will get a tattoo on the back of my neck.  It will say: Trois – for Rock of Love III – Carrboro! I thought making it French would make it sound more cosmopolitan and I know that is one thing we have in common already,  Bret, being high brow.  


Can’t wait to start filming, 



 -Mister Paula Pazderka

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