Chico’s and The Woman

21 07 2009

I don’t pretend to be fashion savvy, but I try to dress age appropriate.

    Isn’t this what all women try to do? Isn’t this what shows like “What NOT to Wear?” and “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style” try to teach us? My impression of the age to store ratio goes something like…  18 – 35 Ann Taylor Loft, 25 – 60 Ann Taylor, 50 – 80 Talbot’s. Sure you have your Urban Outfitters into Anthropologie girls, you know the 80 dollar t-shirt type that looks like its from a thrift store, your old Navy ladies, girls who have fond memories of high school, Express, and department store folk, you know those label whores. There are also some niche markets – J Jill, the former nun track girls, White House | Black Market, and the girls who enjoy Coldwater Creek, you’ve met them -the girls who squeal ‘Calico!’.

    That’s why I was extremely surprised when I happened upon a Chico’s.

    At first it looked like a store that I could enjoy, but ten steps later I was drowning in halter tops for saggy boobs. I had entered  a store that specialized in hoochie grandmama clothes. Folks that shop there actually remember the show “Chico and The Man”, and they might also refer to Asian people as Oriental, but still hip (that is when they haven’t broken one). To put this store in the fashion breakdown to age, it would be something like… 14 – 22 Wet Seal / Charlotte Russe AND 50 – 80 Chico’s. Yes, I realize there is a significant age gap here.

      What the club music implied, the quad city DJ’s and mash-up parade blasting the in-store sound system, was that the grandma who shops at Chico’s isn’t going to leave this earth lying down unless they are doing “the dirty”. I was creeped out and intrigued, all at once. When you turn 50 and still want to live large, Chico’s will help you dress the part. I always thought old women were just grouchy because they were looking back and sad about life passing them by.  But  now I know they were really out all night clubbing, dressed to kill, and doing Cocaine. Hot flashes? No, hang over poops. Memory loss from Alzheimer’s? Nope, drunken nights of Bacardi, and S&M.

      What if an old lady actually had a Chico’s kind of day?

      What would that be like?

      Verna might still be looking for her underwear… and cocaine.

      – Mister Paula Pazderka

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