A Twitter Apology to Doug Benson

23 07 2009

Dear Doug Benson,

I apologize for what appears to be me co-opting a joke you published on Twitter while at Comic-Con. I was tired on Thursday morning, checking out tweets from the night before and re-tweeted one of your posts because I thought it was very funny.

I would never knowingly harm this comic.

I would never knowingly harm this comic.

I accidentally deleted part of the tweet while adding some Hash.

Tags, I meant Hashtags, #hashtags. Maybe if I had been adding some Hash to my morning routine, my mistake would make sense. But my lack of Twitter etiquette is unacceptable. I typed from memory what I deleted, what I thought was “(And chafing.)”, placing parantheses where there were none before. And by doing that I seem to imply that I made the chafing joke. I did not.

For the record our Twitter timeline today.

7:47am PST @DougBenson: Don’t forget Comic-Con attendees, with a great costume comes great responsibility. And chafing.

8:51am PST @zachward: RT @DougBenson: Don’t forget Comic-Con attendees, with a great costume comes great responsibility. (And chafing.) #stanlee #cc09

9:04am, DM from @DougBenson: By adding parentheses, it looks like you added the chafing part. Which you didn’t. I’m just saying. :)

I know you were just saying, but I wanted to apologize. With greater connectivity comes great responsibility and I have certainly fail whaled. I would have replied by Direct Message, but you’re not following me on Twitter. That’s okay. I’m not mad.

I’m sorry. 

I’m a fan of Spider Man, Stan Lee and Yours.

– Mister Zach Ward

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Just a little somethin’

23 07 2009

This thread about Tennessee allowing guns in bars is pretty great in its own right, but I love this quote:

“We put the signs up,” he said, “but I don’t want to be quoted at all.”

Don’t you see!  He didn’t want to be quoted!  Screw context!  Never mind the first part of the sentence!  He didn’t want to be quoted “at all,” and here he is being quoted about not being quoted!

Wha-ha-ha!  Fuck you, anonymous guy!  You got quoted!  By the New York Fucking Times!  Smack!

– Mister Andy Lavender





Chico’s and The Woman

21 07 2009

I don’t pretend to be fashion savvy, but I try to dress age appropriate.

    Isn’t this what all women try to do? Isn’t this what shows like “What NOT to Wear?” and “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style” try to teach us? My impression of the age to store ratio goes something like…  18 – 35 Ann Taylor Loft, 25 – 60 Ann Taylor, 50 – 80 Talbot’s. Sure you have your Urban Outfitters into Anthropologie girls, you know the 80 dollar t-shirt type that looks like its from a thrift store, your old Navy ladies, girls who have fond memories of high school, Express, and department store folk, you know those label whores. There are also some niche markets – J Jill, the former nun track girls, White House | Black Market, and the girls who enjoy Coldwater Creek, you’ve met them -the girls who squeal ‘Calico!’.

    That’s why I was extremely surprised when I happened upon a Chico’s.

    At first it looked like a store that I could enjoy, but ten steps later I was drowning in halter tops for saggy boobs. I had entered  a store that specialized in hoochie grandmama clothes. Folks that shop there actually remember the show “Chico and The Man”, and they might also refer to Asian people as Oriental, but still hip (that is when they haven’t broken one). To put this store in the fashion breakdown to age, it would be something like… 14 – 22 Wet Seal / Charlotte Russe AND 50 – 80 Chico’s. Yes, I realize there is a significant age gap here.

      What the club music implied, the quad city DJ’s and mash-up parade blasting the in-store sound system, was that the grandma who shops at Chico’s isn’t going to leave this earth lying down unless they are doing “the dirty”. I was creeped out and intrigued, all at once. When you turn 50 and still want to live large, Chico’s will help you dress the part. I always thought old women were just grouchy because they were looking back and sad about life passing them by.  But  now I know they were really out all night clubbing, dressed to kill, and doing Cocaine. Hot flashes? No, hang over poops. Memory loss from Alzheimer’s? Nope, drunken nights of Bacardi, and S&M.

      What if an old lady actually had a Chico’s kind of day?

      What would that be like?

      Verna might still be looking for her underwear… and cocaine.

      – Mister Paula Pazderka





      Honey Nut Rapture

      12 07 2009

      Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day. 

      Maybe here on earth, but apparently it won’t be in Heaven…

      Now for someone who loves breakfast this comes as a bit of a shock.

      Breakfast literally gets me out of bed in the morning. I’m not gonna lie. I ALSO eat breakfast for dinner, or, as those in the know call it… BRINNER. Isn’t there a reason places serve it at all hours? Olive Garden doesn’t open before lunch and McDonald’s isn’t pushing the Quarter Pounder before 11am. Coincidence? Definitely not.

      Isn’t heaven supposed to be a place of perfection… of bliss… A utopia?

      And I can’t have breakfast?! You have to be kidding me. God created Lucky Charms, donuts, and sugar and rice… Wait, what? Well, maybe not that last one but the rest are blessing unto Man. I mean if God didn’t create breakfast, THEN WHO DID?…

      devilmuffin

      Every single muffin has the devil inside.

      – Mister Jeremy McDonald





      Alaska Governor < Chapel Hill Mayor

      9 07 2009

      Sarah Palin, Former VP Hopeful now the Former Governor of Alaska.

      “It’s not retreating. It’s advancing. In a different direction.” Yeah, that’s right. Didn’t you know that? Man, some Elected Officials even have themselves fooled. But apparently not even Alaskans care anymore, I mean, Sarah Palin made her resignation speech to a total of 4 people (and a duck).

      Huffington Post writer David Stemler explains, “Watching Sarah Palin’s press conference on Friday was like watching a drunk seal trying to land a plane.” He offers a less painful minute-long edit of her speech (link)

      But, after the official announcement last month that Chapel Hill Mayor Kevin Foy would not run for re-election, Sarah Palin has carpet-bagged her way down to North Carolina to throw her hat out onto the metaphorical basketball court which is local politics. DSI Witness News ran an exclusive Tuesday July 7th on News Talk 1360.

      Sarah Palin runs for Mayor of Chapel Hill, North Carolina (mp3)

      In her own words, Chapel Hill has “Special Needs” And. She. Has. Experience.

      Enjoy.

      – Mister Zach Ward








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