Dear Porn Sites,

5 02 2009

Hi, my name is Andy.  I just wanted to address something before it becomes an issue between us.  I’m sure that you’ve noticed that whenever I visit I input a different birthdate for age verification.  Sometimes I was born in 1911, sometimes in 1983, sometimes in 1952.  But regardless of the date, I was always born on January 1st.  It may seem as though I’m just randomly picking any year before 1991 (18 years ago), not even bothering to enter in an exact date.  Let me assure you that this is not the case.  That would make me a liar.

You see, Porn Sites, I am a magical being.  I am a satyr.  Please visit the Wikipedia page about my kind.

Yes, I have goat legs.  I never wear shorts for this reason.  Yes, I have uncontrollable erections and an unsatiable lust for women.  And yes, I have control over my birthdate.  I can change it on a whim.  That’s not on the Wikipedia page, but whatever.

Wow, I’m glad that’s off my human-esque chest.  I hope this change anything between us, Porn Sites.  I stress again that I have uncontrollable erections.

Sincerely,

Andy “Goat Legs” Lavender

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2 responses

5 02 2009
this buddy of mine

mmmmmmmmmm…..satyr porn is the best

5 02 2009
This man said, “It’s gruesome…” « Oak Glasses

[…] 5, 2009 If Andy is a Satyr, then I’m a well-dressed man.  […]

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