Save our Smut

19 01 2009

Our nation’s most beloved industry needs help!

Im with you Larry

I'm with you Larry

Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis have officially petitioned Congress for a $5 billion bailout to save the adult entertainment industry. To this, I say, “What took so long?” For months, I’ve seen an endless parade of CEOs for banks and car makers and investment firms and dairy plants and ice cream stores and who knows what else whining to the Senate about how they “need a bailout” and the economy “can’t support them”. Finally, an important industry is sucking up their pride (BOOM!) and asking Congress for the money they so desperately need to stay afloat and I applaud them for it.

I’ve been against all these bailouts from the get go, but now, I’ve found a cause to champion for. Banks and car companies have been given billions of dollars to do what? I sure as hell don’t know. But if the adult film industry gets $5 billion, I know exactly where that’s going. It’s going to pay for people to have sex in front of a camera. It’s going to pay for the boom microphone operator who moonlights as a night watchman in a parking garage. It’s going to pay for the editor who stays up until 4 or 5 in the morning splicing together footage of 18-year-olds making mistakes that will live with them for the rest of their lives.

Does she know about Bustyz, Alan?

Does she know about Bustyz, Alan?

Plus, is there anything we need more in these times of turmoil and uncertainty than porn? NO! If anything, we need more. Why do you think bankers were jumping off of skyscrapers and throwing themselves into traffic during the Great Depression? They didn’t have a regular outlet for sexual frustrations and needs. That coupled with a horrible economy is a textbook cause for ending it all. The first thing I do when I see the DOW drop 700 points is pull out my latest Hustler and work out my feelings. The only reason Alan Greenspan is still alive and breathing is his subscription to Bustyz.com.

Please, Congress. Save these proud men and women. In these trying times, a little bit of charity can do a world of difference. Also, think about what this will do for your image. Any potential Larry Craigs can mask any toe-tapping inproprieties by putting their name on this bill early and often. Think it over. For the children.

– Mister Kyle Chorpening

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One response

19 01 2009
Ram Venkatararam

As a convenience store owner who makes a good portion of his income selling smut, I support the bail out. I’d also like to see the tobacco companies and beer brewers get a slice. Beer, porn and smokes are the foundation of a civil society.

Thanks for the post

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