My Chance in Denver

12 01 2009

Let’s go to the Papa John’s Bowl Denver!

I, Mary Sasson, am officially placing my name in the hat to become the next head coach of the Denver Broncos. This decision has come after a winter break full of watching bowl games, not exactly by choice, thanks to my four football obsessed brothers. During one of these games with a random product placement as its title, I casually asked my brother John, “Do you think I could be the head coach of a football team?” John, replied with an unequivocally “no.” “Why?” I replied, “Because I’m a girl?” “No, because you’ve never played football, you have no experience coaching the sport, and you don’t even know all the rules. And yeah you’re a girl.” Well none of these were good enough answers for me…


And obviously John had never seen Wildcats. So I spent the rest of the week trying to sell my brothers on my undiscovered talent; about how if I were coach all players would play offense, defense, and special teams, that way no one would ever know if my team was going to punt. Also we’d punt on third down, just to mix it up. They weren’t impressed, to say the least.

Well just as my dream seemed lost, ESPN reported that seasoned head coach Mike Shanahan was fired from the head coach position of the Denver Broncos.

This was it, I thought, so I announced to my brothers that I was going to send my resume and a cover letter to team owner Pat Bowlen (I had to look that up). With my brothers promising to be references for me, and fellow Diplomat John Reitz promising to be a character reference I felt confident. I look forward to actually creating a resume and cover letter. My brothers promise that if I get any letter back from Denver that I can frame it and hang it on the wall, right next to the pictures my brothers actually playing football.

I’m sure it will start out something like, “Thank-you Miss Sasson for your cute interest in the position of Head Coach of the Denver Broncos. Unfortunately, we must inform you that, well, you are grossly under qualified for this position.”

But if this career move doesn’t work, I can always apply for the New York Senate seat. Because let’s be serious, I AM just as qualified as Caroline Kennedy.

– Mister Mary Sasson




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