My New Year’s Resolutions

8 01 2009

I thought long and hard about my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009 before perfecting my list…

4. Stay Indoors More

Why do I need to go outside?  I have cable w/4000 channels, can order delivery, and have a wife with a job.  BAM!  That’s stimulus, food, and money right there.  I don’t see the need to face reality if I can reside in Jeremyland.  As of now, I will be unavailable for viewing till 2010.

3. Start Smoking

Smoke ’em if you got ’em and if you got ’em lemme bum one!  I don’t care if the are lights, ultra lights, 100s, or Virgina Slims I want to try them all.  After months of research, I will settle on a favorite and then buy them by the carton.

See full size image

2. Gain Some Weight

The world can be cold and harsh.  I want all the padding I can pack on.  Why the craze of trying to lose pounds?  I am going to start eating desert after breakfast and corndogs as sides to double cheeseburgers meals that have already been up sized.

1. Get Into Some Serious Debt

I want to dive head first into my own personal financial crisis.  I want to take out credit cards from anyone who is willing to hand them out.  I would apply for a Bojangles credit card if it were available.  I would like to start gambling and making bets I can’t cover using my house, car, and wiener dog as collateral.

– Mister Jeremy McDonald

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