Batman doesn’t scare anyone.

1 07 2008

batgoal Bruce Wayne chose the bat as his symbol because he believed that bats are a universally terrifying symbol. How better to strike terror into the hearts of the criminal underworld than by associating himself with a creature of the night? Now, I’m no criminologist, but I’d wager that, contrary to Mr. Wayne’s opinion, most criminals are in fact, NOT afraid of bats. Bats can be cute. They’re soft like a tiny stuffed animal but one that would pop if you hugged it to tightly.

I can easily think of a few things far more terrifying than tiny mammals whose faces look like Ross Perot with a pug nose. I’d like to suggest some name alterations that could be much more frightening to the modern man:

1. Growing Up To Lead A Mediocre Life Man

2. Committing To A Relationship Man


3. The Whole World Is The Dream of Some Giant Sleeping Creature And When It Wakes We Will All Disappear Man

4. Accidentally Being Racist and Starting-3rd-World-War Man


5. George W. Bush Man — repeat of #4

5. Unplanned Pregnancy Man


Mr.D doesn’t claim to have the names to scare every modern man, but we guarantee you there are things out there in the world that would scare more men more often than bats. You might be asking yourself, what would scare old criminals or female criminals… I asked myself the same question (and have already started to prepare my Top 5).

You can look forward to another post before the end of the month. In the meantime, let me know what would scare you if you were leading a life of crime.

“If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, and if they can’t stop you, then you become something else entirely. A legend.” A DIPLOMAT


– Mister John Reitz




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