If You Vote for Obama, You Might (STILL) be a Redneck

24 06 2008

If You Vote for Obama, You Might (STILL) be a Redneck!

In the last few weeks, I have noticed an interesting new phenomenon. On a regular basis, white people will announce to me that they are voting for Barack Obama – without any provocation. They just walk up out of the blue and comment how excited they are “for this moment in history” or mention how something (usually gas prices) “will be different once Obama’s in office.”

It started out a few months back with 40ish-year-old white women. The first few times it happened I thought these women were hitting on me. Then, a few weeks later, various 20-something white guys joined the “hey man, I’m really excited about the Obama campaign” random comment committee. But the greatest moment came just a couple of weeks ago during the North Carolina Primaries while I was standing in line at Walmart. A fifty-year-old white man wreaking of cigarettes and castor oil, wearing paint spattered overalls, and doing little to cover his literally RED neck, asked me if I voted, winked, and pointed to his “I voted” sticker.

Overlooking people’s general assumption that I am voting for Obama just because I’m black – because let’s be honest that’s probably a fair assumption – I cannot tell you how humorous I find this phenomenon.

White people of America, I would very much like to clarify two important pieces of information.

One: Barack Obama is not MLK, Jesus, or even Chuck Norris for that matter.

He did not give the I have a dream speech; he cannot walk on water; and he is not currently suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his right and left legs.

Two: If we keep treating Barack Obama this way, we may actually unintentionally provoke the actual Chuck Norris – a man who doesn’t go hunting, he goes killing.

Be careful people – Chuck is watchin’.

-Mister Joe Jones




One response

2 07 2008

Joejones, this is amazing–I too have noticed an ironically similar phenomenon… namely black friends walking up to me and saying, out of the blue, “I’m voting for Rod Skaggs.” Wow. Like I’m supposed to be for Gen. Skaggs just because I’m a mean old white guy?

Well, just as Obama is no MLK, Jesus, or Chuck Norris, Rod Skaggs is in NO way Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, Joseph E. Smith, or Jesse “the body” Ventura–and BY THE WAY, the shocking fact that he has just condeded the race and THROWN HIS SUPPORT TO OBAMA, makes it nuttier than ever.

These are times that only comedy can embrace. In fact, I’d like to see an interracial comedy group SO wildly disrespecting of all racial presumptions black or white, that they might actually succeed in laughing them into terminal hilarity with jokes so heedlessly tasteless and insulting that the entire audience, black, white, and brown, would lock arms and walk out in dignified solidarity. Problem solved.

By the way, Joejones, I have it on good authority that your post of the “little old Southern ladies for Obama” video inspired Gen. Skaggs’ to write the following lines in his concession message: “…they called you redneck, but you knew: rednecks are GUYS, not daughters of the confederacy sittin around goin “bless his little black heart.”

No, never think your actions do not produce momentous –if puzzling– consequences, sir!)

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: