Zach Ward. Breast Cancer. Roast.

Zach Ward + Breast Cancer = Roast

Is a Roast of Breast Cancer appropriate? Maybe. Maybe not. But what did the cancer think I was going to do? Sit back and not make fun of it. Sit back and not talk about how it didn’t belong. Sit back and not say things like “If I had a nipple for every time I _______” Well… Maybe the best biggest boobs boob in recent history is not Scarlett Johansson, maybe it’s Bob Saget.

Roast of Bob Saget was fun last night, wasn’t it?

Friday night (around 6pm at La Residence during a Tar Heel Walk fundraiser) I’m going to take my turn at roasting not Bob Saget. Some other comics from DSI and I are roasting Breast Cancer. We’re covering 3-day walks, the 2-boobs, 1-cup craze (was that it?) and maybe problems with other… lady… parts.

Appropriate? Maybe not. Funny? Absolutely.

Buy tickets now.

Or… You could buy tickets at the door and support the cause.

- Mister Zach Ward

Dear Dave Chappelle

Dear Dave Chappelle,

It has been over two years, since we rendezvoused regularly and now I’ve watched your DVDs so many times you might as well be on TV land. I miss your freshness. Speaking of freshness, what does a gal have to do to get a Roca Pad around here?

I just want to know what you would do with things, and laugh. Did you see R Kelly was acquitted? Would you have done a remix of your remix? And what about the presidential race, Barrack and Hillary? Eliot Spitzer? That astronaut diaper lady? Freeing Tibet?

I miss your white people and your black people. Buddy, I just miss you. If I could ask Paul Mooney a question, it would be: What would have to happen to have Dave come back? Or maybe a better question would be: What would I have to do to have Dave come back? Or what would MISTER DIPLOMAT have to do? I hear Zach Ward is one mean spooner. Have you ever been spooned by a white guy? If you want to try it, I am sure Zach would totally be game. He would do it for the sake of comedy. Zach would do anything for the sake of comedy. I mean anything. Think about it Dave, anything.

You wouldn’t have to go back to Comedy Central. You could come to Carrboro. That’s right, North Carolina. You could stay with me and perform at DSI. After shows, we could go walk back to my house and drink Arnold Palmers. Dave, it would be fabulous. Drop me an email when you’re ready. I’m waiting.

-Mister Paula Pazderka