This thread about Tennessee allowing guns in bars is pretty great in its own right, but I love this quote:
“We put the signs up,” he said, “but I don’t want to be quoted at all.”
Don’t you see! He didn’t want to be quoted! Screw context! Never mind the first part of the sentence! He didn’t want to be quoted “at all,” and here he is being quoted about not being quoted!
Wha-ha-ha! Fuck you, anonymous guy! You got quoted! By the New York Fucking Times! Smack!
April and I finally got around to seeing the new Star Trek. When we got back, we went onto to YouTube to see this:
But then we stumbled upon something incredible. Apparently there are dozens of videos where fans have taken footage of the original show and added fart sound effects. Literally dozens of videos, some longer than five minutes. Some are even re-editted in order to make fart/gas-centric storylines. Here is a quick example that I believe sums up the whole phenomenon:
Incredible. Just incredible. If you’re interested in more Star Trek fart videos (again, there’s much more), a search for “Star Trek fart” will give you hours of this kind of stuff.
Hi, my name is Andy. I just wanted to address something before it becomes an issue between us. I’m sure that you’ve noticed that whenever I visit I input a different birthdate for age verification. Sometimes I was born in 1911, sometimes in 1983, sometimes in 1952. But regardless of the date, I was always born on January 1st. It may seem as though I’m just randomly picking any year before 1991 (18 years ago), not even bothering to enter in an exact date. Let me assure you that this is not the case. That would make me a liar.
You see, Porn Sites, I am a magical being. I am a satyr. Please visit the Wikipedia page about my kind.
www.satyrsight.com
Yes, I have goat legs. I never wear shorts for this reason. Yes, I have uncontrollable erections and an unsatiable lust for women. And yes, I have control over my birthdate. I can change it on a whim. That’s not on the Wikipedia page, but whatever.
Wow, I’m glad that’s off my human-esque chest. I hope this change anything between us, Porn Sites. I stress again that I have uncontrollable erections.
Sincerely,
Andy “Goat Legs” Lavender
This took me a long time to realize, but with the series of illustrations in the latest Newsweek, it finally dawned on me: Dick Cheney is the penguin. Contrast and compare this
Victor Juhasz for Newsweek
with this:
I imagine with the current administration leaving office, Cheney is preparing for a return to a life of crime. Of course, when you’ve been out of the caper biz for eight years, you need to start small. Hold on to your Faberge eggs, kids!
I spent Thanksgiving with a couple of new friends: Craig and Paul Pumphrey, the Human Wrecking Balls.
Courtesy www.g4.com
What? You’re not aware of Craig and Paul Pumphrey, the Human Wrecking Balls? Didn’t notice that “pump,” as in “pump iron,” is in their last name? Let me fill you in: Craig and Paul Pumphrey have a show on cable network G4 where they break stuff with their hands. It was probably pitched to executives as Jackass meets Mythbusters.
When I first saw this show, I couldn’t believe it. It was like one of those fake television shows included in certain science fiction movies to show how desperately stupid human beings in a not-so-distant future had become. It totally could have been in Idiocracy. I mean, it’s a show where rednecks break stuff. In the first episode I saw, they broke a bathroom, and in the second, they broke a Cessna. It also wants you to know that the show is much more technical than just two rednecks breaking stuff with their hands, and it attempts to accomplish this by including Mythbusters-esque digital blueprints and technical drawings. But it was all that I needed: something really, really dumb to stare at for a couple hours after Thanksgiving. Fuck the National Dog Show.
- Mister Andy Lavender
Commentary.