Alaska Governor < Chapel Hill Mayor

Sarah Palin, Former VP Hopeful now the Former Governor of Alaska.

“It’s not retreating. It’s advancing. In a different direction.” Yeah, that’s right. Didn’t you know that? Man, some Elected Officials even have themselves fooled. But apparently not even Alaskans care anymore, I mean, Sarah Palin made her resignation speech to a total of 4 people (and a duck).

Huffington Post writer David Stemler explains, “Watching Sarah Palin’s press conference on Friday was like watching a drunk seal trying to land a plane.” He offers a less painful minute-long edit of her speech (link)

But, after the official announcement last month that Chapel Hill Mayor Kevin Foy would not run for re-election, Sarah Palin has carpet-bagged her way down to North Carolina to throw her hat out onto the metaphorical basketball court which is local politics. DSI Witness News ran an exclusive Tuesday July 7th on News Talk 1360.

Sarah Palin runs for Mayor of Chapel Hill, North Carolina (mp3)

In her own words, Chapel Hill has “Special Needs” And. She. Has. Experience.

Enjoy.

- Mister Zach Ward

Have you met my news boyfriend, Richard Engel?

He looks good in a suit.

I know I’m not the only one watching the Iran election controversy and outraged by the Iranian government’s response. I’m waiting, wishing and hoping for the people of Iran -hoping that there will be some overwhelming change that will benefit them. I honestly care.  Seriously. I try extremely hard to be educated and aware. BUT…I am also fluffing my sofa pillows, grabbing some fresh strawberries, stretching out and waiting for my “news” boyfriend, Richard Engel, to tell me more about it.

 

Somehow the world’s tyranny doesn’t seem as awful when Richard Engel talks about it. 

 

 His delicious smile and tasty athletic build make we want to gobble the news right up, get full and have a news baby with him.

The great thing is as NBC’s head foreign correspondent I see him all day.  There he is at 6 AM with Mika and Joe (Morning Joe now sponsored by Starbucks) and during the day, with the Today Show, and then at night with Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow. I can see my main man 24/7 with this news cycle. I can tell when he looks tired. I know when he is hanging in Cairo. He is after all my news man boyfriend.

AND he looks good in a flak jacket.

I’ve read this heartbreaker’s history. He married his Stanford college sweetheart and then worked too much and ignored her. Believe you me I get that; I’m so used to being ignored. In fact, Richard has virtually ignored me since we met. Don’t worry just like the US and its foreign interests, I’m fickle. I’m not looking for anything too long term. 

But, as long as Iran is in election turmoil and there are troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, I’ll see him. Actually, Richard and I’ve been virtually together everyday over the last few weeks.  I want you to know that while I’m taking a shower, doing my hair and putting on my best “come hither” outfit that I’m thinking of the Iranian people too.   Richard would insist that I do.  And no, I never refer to him as Dick, at least not yet…here’s hoping.

- Mister Paula Pazderka

To boldly go.

April and I finally got around to seeing the new Star Trek.  When we got back, we went onto to YouTube to see this:

But then we stumbled upon something incredible.  Apparently there are dozens of videos where fans have taken footage of the original show and added fart sound effects.  Literally dozens of videos, some longer than five minutes.  Some are even re-editted in order to make fart/gas-centric storylines.  Here is a quick example that I believe sums up the whole phenomenon:

Incredible.  Just incredible.  If you’re interested in more Star Trek fart videos (again, there’s much more), a search for “Star Trek fart” will give you hours of this kind of stuff.

I Can Has Proof Read?

About a month ago The Herald-Sun ran this article on its front page.  Upon reading it, you may say to yourself “Wow, I know times is tough, but a 13% literacy rate?!? That seems unbelievable.” Well, guess what, it is. The first sentence of the article makes it overly clear that the headline should have read “Durham’s basic ILLITERACY rate at 13%.” Turns out only 13% of Durhamites can’t read, not 87%.

I’m guessing at least one of them thinks he works at the Harold-Son.

Okay, we all know that Carrboro is full of yuppies and hipsters, but let’s not forget about another group of nonconformists the town has to offer. That’s right, the emo kids. That’s not the sound of a squirrel on the Weaver Street lawn, it’s an emo kid weeping softly to himself while Bright Eyes pounds through the speakers of his iPod. On this particular night, it looks like local favorite Elmo’s will be serving up burgers, charred black like their soul and served with a side of inner self-loathing.

Fucking yum.

Chapel Hill parking sucks.

However, from the looks of it, good ole Balfour Beatty Construction might be doing everyone a kindly little favor. The mysterious black curtain clues me into the fact that they probably don’t want me to park here, but with a sign expounding ZERO CONSEQUENCES for doing so, this offer might be too good to refuse.

 

- Mister John Reitz

Sectional But Equal

Have you ever wandered into a Rooms-To-Go or a RoomStore and had this dilemma: “I really like the look of this recliner but will my black friends feel the same?” or “Man this love seat is comfy but will my white neighbors be able to relax in it??” I know I have. Furniture shopping can be so frustrating, especially when you’re trying to buy something that spans racial barriers. More than that, I just want a place I can shop for furniture without all the racial tension. Well folks, my prayers have been answered…

“At the RED HOUSE!”

Now I can shop confident in the fact that all my purchases will suit everyone that walks into my home. Now the only colors I see are for ottomans and sleeper sofas, and my chase lounge can speak volumes for my household’s push toward equality.

I think I feel most liberated by the fact that I no longer have to be bound by the tyrannical and unjust ways of one certain furniture company…

… who only designs furniture for blue people.

Support Rhett and Link, the guys behind The Red House clip.

- Mister Jeremy McDonald